Masthead:

The Läwrentiän, USPS 867-5309, is published once a year. We’ve done it now for three years straight. Can you believe it! We strive for nothing, if not consistency. It is free, of course, unless you count the time wasted reading it. Mail subscriptions are available, but don’t get your hopes up on timely delivery. Second-class postage is paid at Appleton, Wisconsin, which is a great place to raise a family, but I’m not sure I would want to live there. POSTMASTER: Don’t send us address changes. Too much work.

Editorial policy is determined by complex mathematical ratios which you would never understand. Trust us on this one. Any opinions which appear unsigned don’t really belong, and we’re not sure how they got there.

Letters to the editor will be folded into cute little origami animals by the editorials editor. They will be sold in Downer today to raise money for the newspaper. Letters must be submitted to the Info Desk, mailed to the Lawrentian, emailed to Lawrentian@lawrence.edu, or given to the carrier pigeon who makes a run every five minutes from the roof of Kohler.

Julian Bukalski is: Lance Benzel, Winston Black, Erik Carlson, Eli Corin, Cameron Kramlich, Mike Piastowski, Aaron Marrs, Ryan Marx, Sara Schlarman, Stuart Schmitt, Mark Schnoor, Lindsay Shaw, Ben Tilghman, Scott Trigg, Darran White, Evan Wyse

A note for those of you who are easily ticked off: Hey, look at the calendar. It’s April 1. Yes, April Fool’s Day has struck again, always when you least expect it. So, even though this issue contains the names of people you may well recognize, no one actually did or said the things printed in the issue. It’s all a big joke. Deal with it, okay? Laugh it up and enjoy. But don’t come after us with cudgels.