"Let’s say I tell everyone that Evan’s a pimp, and that he’s got women down on the corner," Bill Boardman

"I’m not kidding... I’m a real professor," Jeff Clark

"So you say I haven’t scheduled enough Main Hall Fora this year? What if I didn’t schedule any?," Randy Anderson

"We are installing a campus SWAT team, just in case...," Nancy Truesdell

"Hey, we’re all late sometimes... don’t worry about it," Bridget-Michaele Reischl

"I was wholly underwhelmed by that last convocation," Rik Warch

"Are you a feminist? It’s okay to be a feminist," Kuo-Ming Sung

"If you ever hear about hospitals being full from snipers picking off snowmobilers, smile and think of me," Ted Ross

", Bill Hodgkiss

"Tough Grader? I’ve awarded an A during your lifetime," Paul Cohen