Banta Bowl to be rocked, Papally

by Julian Bukalski

With the dissolution of the Celebrate! we knew and loved, the campus activities office has been looking for a fund-raiser to replace it. Numerous bands were contacted to perform a large concert to act as this replacement. On monday, concert planner Timothy Gibson announced a musician would appear. With the recent release of his new album, "Abba Pater," Pope John Paul II has set out on a three continent, eleven nation tour. The "Pope is Dope Tour" will mark the Supreme Pontiff’s first trip to the Fox Valley. He will bless Lawrence with his phat beat on May 22nd.

In a speech to leaders of campus orginazations, Gibson outlined the events surounding JP2’s performance. "We are very happy to have snagged the Pope. We know he planned to meet with the leaders of Serbia on that date, but our offer was too good to pass up." In response to a question pertaining to the Pope’s purpose, Gibson responded, "No, Mr. Bowers, His Excellency will not be preaching or blessing anyone on this visit. His purpose is simply to rock the hiz-ouse."

Many Lawrentians are excited by his Phatness’s arrival. Members of the Lawrence Christian Fellowship are divinely ecstatic. They have planned a trip to Doodles tattoo parlor to have crucifixes emblazoned into their chests. The excitement is not in LCF alone. Hard-core Christian Andrew "Ace" Miller is eagely awaiting the Pope’s arrival. "He has the kind of sound that I don’t feel dirty grinding to."

His Excellency, a.k.a. The Fresh Pope of V.C., has been featured in "Rolling Stone," "Spin," and "Entertainment Weekly." His combination of chanted prayer and house funk has been gaining noteriety in the recent weeks. In an interview with MTV correspondant Kurt Loder, The Fresh Pope states that his music "uniquely combines quiet reflection with the desire to shake your booty." When asked why he chose Appleton, the Holy Funkster replied, "I’ve got to raise the roof, Phatican style."

The Fresh Prince of V.C. backed by the Virgin Marys will be appearing at the Banta Bowl on Saturday, May 22nd. Alcoholic beverages are not allowed at the concert, but communion wine will be served. Free eternal salvation with each paid admission.