Traditional Holiday Colors: Accentuate Greens and Reds While Avoiding "The Blues"

APPLETON, WIS. -- A popular Christmas carol gleefully tells us this is the "most wonderful time of the year." But for many, especially the elderly, cheerful songs and twinkling lights are ineffective salves against the loneliness and depression that frequently accompanies the arrival of the holiday season.

Despite the ubiquitous images of joyous family celebrations and messages of peace and love this time of the year, the holidays are often a catalyst for heightened feelings of loneliness brought on by the recent death of a loved one, feelings of disconnect from family and a sense of isolation caused by geographic separation.

Even when families are together, the pressures of duplicating the idyllic holiday traditions portrayed in advertisements, songs and movies can lead to a holiday letdown as irrational expectations go unfulfilled.

Gerald Metalsky, associate professor of psychology at Lawrence University, a specialist in issues of depression, stress and anxiety, says it's common to see an increase in people with symptoms of depression between Thanksgiving and New Year's.

"The most common issue raised by these people is loneliness combined with beliefs that their lives are empty and will remain so indefinitely," says Metalsky, a practicing clinical psychologist who also runs a private counseling clinic. "There is a sense of hopelessness, a worsening of mood that produces negative thoughts about their life. What may have started out merely as a feeling of loneliness escalates into a broader sense of personal failure."

As life in general has become more hectic, so too has the holiday season, with its anxiety-producing pressures of gift-giving, decorating, cooking special meals and hosting or attending parties.

"It's become a time of the year when everyone feels a bit under the gun to get everything done," Metalsky says. "The end result is all those pressures tend to take the fun and spirit out of the holidays."

While all the holiday hubbub can test the emotional well-being of even the most stable of relationships, the holidays are particularly difficult on families experiencing an undercurrent of discontent.

"There are so many ways conflict manifests itself at the holidays," says Metalsky, a former consulting editor of the "Journal of Abnormal Psychology," the flagship publication of the American Psychological Association. "People have stereotypes of how the holidays should be, but life is not all 'Leave it to Beaver,' even though people like to believe in that possibility. Family problems -- feelings of anger, resentment, isolation -- are accentuated during the holidays. They become more salient. The holidays tend to put all those problems right in people's faces."

But despite the holiday season's potential as a powder keg of emotional turmoil, Metalsky sees this time of the year as a catalyst for change, providing opportunities for personal growth.

"For people working on personal issues, relationship problems, anxiety concerns, the holidays actually offer a tremendous barometer for gauging their progress," says Metalsky. "I encourage people to shift the holiday negatives into opportunities for resolution. Because many of these issues come to a head during the holidays, it becomes an ideal time to deal with them straight on.

"Start with the realization that each individual really has the power to make the holiday season whatever he or she wants it to be. It doesn't have to be all about presents and parties. It can be about giving oneself. People want positive relationships with their spouse, their children, their extended family members. Take a step back and look at your contribution to those or any problem relationship and see what you can do to make things better. Even a small change can have a ripple effect. By doing something positive for yourself, you're also doing something positive for the people you love."

If the holiday blues are triggered more by a sense of loneliness and isolation, Metalsky says giving of oneself is still one of the best ways to deal with that type of familial disconnect.

"Give of yourself in a positive, concrete way where you are around other people," advises Metalsky. "Volunteer at a soup kitchen, visit a nursing home, do something to help others who are less fortunate, and there are always people who are less fortunate. It may not be family, but you'll be helping people who are hurting and that's one of the best ways to lift your own self-esteem."

Metalsky believes one of the most effective ways of dealing with any problem in life is learning from other people who have "been there." And thanks to technology, that type of help is now just a mouse-click away.

"Now more than ever in the history of our existence, we can learn from other people's experiences," says Metalsky. "The Internet has become an extremely useful tool for this type of help. Whatever your problem, you can go on the Internet and have a conversation with people who have similar problems. There are all kinds of wonderful chatrooms where people share their experiences and discuss what has worked, what hasn't."

It is important, Metalsky warns, that people not confuse the colloquial "holiday blues" with the much more serious condition of depression. There are significant differences and people need to recognize them.

"Almost by definition, the holiday blues are not a clinical condition. We're not talking about something that can be diagnosed," Metalsky explained. "The so-called holiday blues are longer than the garden variety 'bummed out' for a day, but what separates it from depression is how persistent its symptoms are. Usually you're talking about a minimum of two weeks for depression.

"In addition to persistence, depression involves far more than just feelings of moodiness or disconnect. Sleep disturbance, appetite problems, low energy, lack of concentration and negative thoughts about self and self-esteem are all signs of clinical depression. Depression can interfere significantly with normal, daily functioning and people with these symptoms should have them professionally checked out."

Despite its many speed bumps, the road to holiday happiness can be navigated, Metalsky insists, by taking stock of your relationships, assuming control of the decision-making process rather than letting others dictate your actions and acknowledging your feelings rather than denying them. By doing so, this can in fact be "the most wonderful time of the year."